So often God speaks to me in diagrams. I think this is very kind because I love to draw out what He gives me. Diagrams I can draw. Anything else - not so much. Not long ago, He gave me a beautiful picture illustrating something in my spiritual life that I attempted to artistically draw. I mistakenly left it out in our room and our sixteen year old son walked in. I was putting something away in my closet when I heard, "Oh mom! This is cool. Did you find a picture you drew when you were a kid?" I backed up to see what he was talking about and promptly replied, "No. I made that yesterday." His eyes darted around and then he burst out laughing. "Sorry mom. But good job," and then he walked out of the room smiling. I'll stick to drawing the diagrams.
Recently, both through studies at The Renovaré Institute and real life, God has been speaking to me about pride and humility. I have been so struck by how much of myself I am incapable of seeing clearly. Motives I used to think were pure I now discover are self-serving protections and I have so many ways of being that are not who I want to be.
To be honest, most of my life I have been a bit unsure of what true pride and true humility looks like. I am sometimes unsure where assertiveness, serving, turning the other cheek, not speaking the mind and speaking the truth in love all fit in with pride and humility. Does anyone who believes they are speaking truth, not believe they are doing it in love? I have heard a lot of 'truth in love' that drips with pride apparent to everyone else except the speaker. I have seen pride in turning the other cheek and also self-abasement called humility. Sometimes true humility even looks like pride because of the confidence that comes with true humility. David's brothers thought he was being prideful because he wanted to fight Goliath in I Samuel 17. Moses called himself the most humble man on earth in Numbers 12:3. My ideas were vague and unclear.
One thing I do know is humility is what enables God to transform us and pride makes us prone to falling down. It is the part that makes our hearts pliable and easily changed. The big question I had was "How do I cultivate humility in my life and detect when pride is having a say?"
Curled up in my chair, coffee in hand, I was conversing with God about pride and humility and how not to be deceived by my own perception of myself. I am coming to understand that the Christian life is one of a constant unveiling of ourselves; accepting the good and beautiful and then taking the ugly we discover, opening our hands and letting God take that thing out of our once sweaty clenched palms so that He can transform it. This is a lot easier said than done because some of these things I have clung to for dear life. There is a space between opening my hands and grabbing onto His that can feel a bit scary. Learning to live differently is like that. A lot of times this involves showing others what we've been holding because it affects them as well. The funny thing is, we think we are the only ones who suddenly see, but I am finding the close people in our lives are usually fairly aware of what's been in our hands.
Gently, God reminded me that my life is not meant to be lived on my own without Him and He has promised wisdom to everyone who asks. The God who died to tear the veil between Himself and man and paved a way for us to be transformed into His image certainly has the ability to reveal our hearts to heal them. The first step towards true humility can start with a prayer as small as, "Show me myself as You see me." I used the think this was all negative, but God is overwhelmingly delighted by us. He loves to show us the beauty in us He has created. He will also show us all the pieces that stand in the way of beauty in our lives.
Pride blinds us to ourselves and keeps us from seeing ourselves and others. It closes our ears to the voices of others and opens our ears to delusions about ourselves. It is an impenetrable wall that others cannot get through. Pride is a whole mess of defenses we use because we fear being exposed and refuse to see ourselves as we are. Others see wrong in us and instead of listening we begin to protect ourselves in our favorite style of protecting. Pride keeps us boxed in and walled off.
Humility is the willingness to see ourselves as we are and acknowledge our inability to see ourselves clearly on our own. This opens us up to correction and feedback from others. Others can 'get' to us because we will hear them. Humility has to be rooted in our identity in God. When we know we are both known fully and loved fully by God we gradually become brave enough to see ourselves. Others can see wrong in us but we are no longer fiercely protective of ourselves or surprised by wrong in us. Humility is the pathway to change.
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I sketched out a diagram of pride and humility that morning curled up in my chair and want to share it with you. I always remember pictures so much more than anything else and I have found this to be helpful for me over and over again as I have lived my daily life. Maybe you will enjoy it too!
Pride - It locks us in with our shame, perfectionism, pain, bitterness, judgment, bitterness, self-protection and makes us critical. Not only does it keep us locked in with these things we so desperately are trying to get away from, but pride also makes us shame others to protect ourselves, demand perfection, ignore others pain that we may be causing, makes us refuse to forgive and easily judge others to make ourselves feel better. We feel we are keeping ourselves safe but we are actually walled in with the very things we are so desperately trying to avoid.
Behind our impermeable wall of pride we are unable to have deep and healing relationships, receive helpful feedback and cannot see ourselves clearly. We undermine other's pain that we may have caused and instead defend ourselves vehemently - if not outwardly, at least in our mind. We cannot bear to look at ourselves truly and prefer the version of us we believe ourselves to be. We easily justify ourselves while remaining blind to the ones around us. We cannot see our beauty or our sin because it becomes difficult to see ourselves as God does. We neither receive His love easily or His conviction. We are victims of our circumstances instead of letting our circumstances reveal places in us that may need growth. We are stuck in cycles of immaturity with no avenue for growth because we live in a world of appearances and unreality.
But God has such a better way for us. He can make us brave enough to be humble. He never asks us to show ourselves in the absence of His love but instead longs for His love to heal us. That can only happen if we dare to let Him behind our walls of pride. He never leaves us uncovered.
Humility - We are no longer locked in with all of the things that used to harm us, but live in the spaciousness of God's love and all it offers. We become more and more light-hearted as we find a freedom in knowing and believing God's view of us. We experience healing and a new ability to forgive others. We no longer fear what others think of us but instead are able to be who we are and live with inner peace and confidence. Instead of protecting ourselves at all costs, we no longer need to be perfect and are able to see our own humanity. Instead of hiding, our lives become ones of freedom.
We still have boundaries and can see when people are mistreating us, but we are no longer behind a wall of our own making. The wall is permeable. Instead, we easily ask God to show us our part and are open to feedback, but also do not fall into self-abasement or becoming a doormat. We can hold our own while remaining 'for' the other and not moving against them in fear or retaliation.
We begin to experience healing relationships, we can take feedback from others and consider it, we are willing to see our whole selves (the good, bad and ugly), we feel when we have wounded others and care about them, we are able to receive God's opinions about us (both His affirmations and convictions), we can learn from our circumstances and our mistakes, and are continually growing.
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Life with God is a growing life. No doubt all of us have areas of pride and humility and we are being freed over time as we give God a piece of us at a time. The humble life is the life of freedom but it requires a lot of relinquishing and giving up of old habits and ways of doing life. Over the past few weeks, I have thought back to these diagrams when different situations have come up and I have found it helpful to refer back to them. I have more easily been able to see where pride has taken or is taking root and have a vision of what I want instead. It has given me the courage to go to God with my pride and ask Him to change me a little bit more in that area.
So often we think of ourselves as 'transformed' but the truth is, life here with God has a lot of 'ing' in it. We are BEING transformed moment by moment as we open our hands bit by bit. I Corinthians 1:18 says, "For the message of the Cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are BEING saved it is the power of God." The Cross is the pathway from pride to humility. It is the power of God for us who are being saved over and over and over again from the little ways of being that are bent, broken and sinful. God has not left us in our own space to figure out life on our own but has provided a way for us to live a new kind of life. May you see His grace day by day as you continue on with Him.
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Verses on Pride and Humility to think about:
Psalm 138:6 - For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly, but the haughty he knows from afar.
Proverbs 11:2 - When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.
Proverbs 16:18-19 - Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor than to divide the spoil with the proud.
Proverbs 27:2 - Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.
Proverbs 20:23 - One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.
Romans 12:16 - Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
2 Corinthians 10:17-18 - 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.' For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.
Philippians 2:3-2 - Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others.
James 4:6 - But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the production but gives grace to the humble."
MANY MORE!