BUT THESE ARE WRITTEN SO THAT YOU MAY CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THAT JESUS IS THE MESSIAH, THE SON OF GOD AND THAT BY BELIEVING IN HIM YOU WILL HAVE LIFE BY THE POWER OF HIS NAME. JOHN 20:31
The power of knowing Jesus comes from knowing his name. For so long I thought I believed, but I lived with anxiety, fear and shame. Believing he exists, that he is God and even that he died for me are powerless in my life unless I truly believe he is who he says he is in MY life. When I begin to see his character, his heart, his intentions and his power towards me, my life begins to change.
So many times what I say I believe and how I actually function do not match. If I am seeing God clearly, I won’t be anxious, joyless, unloving towards others and struggle so much with fear. When I am struggling with unchecked anxiety, fear and other things, it means I do not truly believe I have the infinitely strong, benevolent, loving and kind God fighting on my behalf. I do not really believe he is in my corner holding everything in my life. All places of continual struggle in my life reveal a faulty belief system and are an opportunity to ask God to reveal himself and the power of his name in that area. This is what he longs to do. Freedom in any circumstance comes when I truly know all of my circumstances will be met with all of the resources of he who holds it all and whose love is directed towards me. All of my situations are met with the strong enough God.
In my need, I have the opportunity to see him as provider. In my despondency, I have the opportunity to see him as hope. In my loneliness, I have the opportunity to see him as friend. In my pain, I have the opportunity to see him as healer. In impossible situations, I have the opportunity to see him as the God who fights on my behalf. In confusing situations, I have the opportunity to see him as wisdom. In broken relationships, I have the opportunity to see him as restorer. In my depression, I have the opportunity to see him as joy. In my times of celebration, I have the opportunity to see him as present. In every situation he longs to reveal a part of his heart I couldn’t have seen in any other circumstance. He always stands ready to reveal his goodness towards me, and he brings all that he is to all of my situations. In him there is no darkness, therefore he can only will good and wholeness in my life. He is not a God who stands far off casually observing me, but rather he is a God who comes near to fight alongside me, teaching me to know him better and how to walk with him in all things.
If I want to see what I actually believe about God, I can look at how I am actually living. Faith is not only knowing, but believing that God is big enough, strong enough and good enough to carry ME. It is easy to believe he is these things to others, but harder to trust him with myself. He is not aloof and distant, but is constantly looking for ways to bring me closer to himself and reveal his heart. Anxiety, worry and all acts of self preservation are all the result of believing I have to watch out for myself because he really isn’t any of those things towards me. I want to walk in faith and trust the one who knows it all, holds it all and will never let me go.
Father, Please reveal the places in me that believe things other than you. Where I cannot trust you, teach me, heal me and help me see you as you are and not as I believe you to be. So many times I believe you will do things for others, but believing you will do them in me is too personal. I am afraid of being disappointed by you and rejected. Where I do not believe that you really love me, begin to show me your heart toward me. Let the things I know in my head become a reality in my heart. Give me the humility to accept your unmerited love. Where I have worn myself out with striving and doing more, give me peace and teach me to rest in the place with you that was bought for me with the Blood of Jesus. Where I have excused broken, sinful places and thoughts out of unbelief because I do not see the damage they do, please forgive me. Help me to walk according to what is true and according to what you say is good. Thank you for always working on my behalf. Amen.