*This blog post is part of a project I am currently working on for the Renovare Institute. If you have feedback, that would be greatly appreciated! I am writing an illustrated book on spiritual formation because God often speaks to me in simple picture form so I decided to compile pictures along with writings into a book. I remember pictures/diagrams and illustrations much more easily than simple information. (The drawings will be cleaned up when drafting the book :)
The Spacious Place of Grace
Hebrews 4:16 NLT “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”
For some time now, God has been speaking to my heart about daily repentance. Growing up in a church tradition that taught repentance as something you did when you first gave your life to God and then occasionally when you sinned, repentance did not seem to have any significance for daily life. I was not aware God had been speaking to my heart offering me a space I did not know was mine. It is a wider space and so much less confining! I had been banging on walls when I was offered a door.
Repentance is not a dreary act for the shamed heart, but the very doorway into a different way of living. It is an invite from the God who lovingly looks at us and sees all of who we are. It is an invitation into a broader space that cannot be touched by the world we live in. Repentance is a continual invitation to Grace. It is not a one time act or reserved for our more 'serious' sins, but a way of life.
The problem is not often that we do not know what God’s desire is for us but we do not know how to get there. How do we live a different way when hatred, dissension and fear is the very air we collectively breathe? The question I have been asking is, “God, how do I live here and live aware, yet continue to grow more like You? How do I live a transforming life that lives above the hatred and the anxiety that threatens to consume?” The air is thick with destructive ways of being. I have learned them and continue to live them. So often I cannot see.
I cannot always easily see those places in my heart that are misled or ways my thinking is more formed by what is around me than God. Defensiveness, anxiety, unforgiveness, pride, self-protectiveness, harshness, fearfulness, hopelessness and judgments among other things are all a sure sign I have lost sight of grace.
In daily repentance all of me marches in boldly to open armed Grace. Repentance is not always about blatant sin or even those things we choose. When anxiety floods me and I go to God and ask Him to settle me - that’s repentance. It’s a confession that my life is anchored on something unsteady. When self–protection wins out over love and I ask Him to remind me that He is the protector of my heart - that’s repentance. It’s a confession that I feel I have to do life on my own. Whenever my heart begins to feel confined and restricted or in a gray space, that is Grace whispering for me to come; to come to the throne of the all-wise, all-knowing God who is not confused about any part of my heart. Unsettledness is not a reason to despair but a subtle invitation to Grace. It’s a reminder I am living in a small place rather than the broad place I am invited into. I can know I am living encompassed by Grace when I am finding it easier to forgive, live non-anxiously, joyfully, courageously, peacefully, humbly and am free to be more childlike. It is the space where I become more of who I want to be.
The Greek word for repentance is ‘metanoia.’ The Greek Orthodox Church in America teaches the term metanoia means a change of mind, a reorientation, a fundamental transformation of outlook, of man's vision of the world and of himself, and a new way of loving others and God. https://www.goarch.org/-/repentance-and-confession-introduction
When we notice our heart is not at ease, it is not cause for alarm, but rather we can always respond to Grace and allow God to transform us, heal us, help us to know we are loved and love others more. This is the open door to all of us every moment of our lives. Through repentance, we can learn to live in the wide open space of Grace.. The question is not if we are invited, but will we notice the consistent invites we receive throughout our day?
Practice:
When awareness comes that your heart is unsettled, close your eyes and imagine yourself in the room of Grace allowing God to give you what He wants instead of what you are carrying. This is a form of prayer! Grace is available to us in every moment and is a space we can learn to live in.
Breath Prayer:
Here I am, I receive Your grace.