BUT MOSES PLEADED WITH THE LORD, “O LORD, I’M NOT VERY GOOD WITH WORDS. I NEVER HAVE BEEN, AND I’M NOT EVEN NOW, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE SPOKEN TO ME I GET TONGUE TIED, AND MY WORDS GET TANGLED. THEN THE LORD ASKED MOSES, “WHO MAKES A PERSON’S MOUTH? WHO DECIDES WHETHER PEOPLE SPEAK OR DO NOT SPEAK, HEAR OR DO NOT HEAR, SEE OR DO NOT SEE? IS IT NOT I, THE LORD? NOW GO! I WILL BE WITH YOU AS YOU SPEAK AND I WILL INSTRUCT YOU IN WHAT TO SAY.” EXODUS 4:10-12
In our culture of self esteem, what I believe I can do has become paramount. My thoughts about myself have become central, but God is not asking me to look to myself. He is asking me to look to him. Self confidence is not a sure foundation. It is a life built on a scaffold of matchsticks. It can be misplaced if I believe I am good at something I am not good at; it can be destroyed if I am no longer good at something I used to be good at and it can be diminished if someone near me is better at something than I am. It is subject to my failures and disappointments. It cannot stand up to the winds of change or the ebbs and flows of life. It can be destroyed by a word from someone I love, or a betrayal of one I hold dear. I was never meant to bear the weight of my own confidence. I simply am not strong enough.
As in the life of Moses, God does not remind me of how capable I am. He does not counter my ‘I can’ts’ with ‘you are amazing.’ Instead, like Moses, God turns my focus back on him who can bear my confidence because he can never be shaken. Confidence in myself is not necessary to carry out the plans and purposes of God in my life, but confidence in him is. In fact, confidence in myself leads me to think I can live life on my own and I will miss out on many things he longs to do. When I am hidden in him, when I am living the ‘with him’ life, I am unstoppable because greater is he who is in me. His promise is, “I will be with you,” and that is all I need for this life. When my confidence is in him, I am unshakable. I will be confident, not because of who I am but because of who he is.
Father, Teach me what it means to put my full confidence in you. Forgive me for looking to myself when I should be looking to you. When I begin to fully trust you, all of the pieces of my life come into perspective. I can face life with great courage. I realize I have nothing to fear and can be full of hope because, in you, is everything I could ever need for any situation I may ever face. When I look to you, I will always find you to be enough. I choose to put my confidence in you.
I WAS NEVER MEANT TO BEAR THE WEIGHT OF MY OWN CONFIDENCE. I SIMPLY AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH.
