I don't know about you, but I have found there are often repeated phrases in church that state how we should truly live, but often don't reflect how we are actually living. Sometimes they have become so familiar, we no longer notice we are not actually living the truths we speak. I used to skip right over these inconsistencies, not because I didn't care, but because I would get frustrated trying to figure out how to actually live them out practically in my everyday life. I am learning to listen to those nagging frustrations and explore them instead of ignore them.
The way we are actually living reveals our truest beliefs. I used to ignore when my reality and what I knew to be true in my head didn't quite line up. The incongruencies were not very obvious and often almost fit together - but not quite.
It's not unlike what I do with puzzles. I really dislike any kind of puzzles and have heard more than once, "Mom! Those pieces don't fit together! I am pretty good at jamming any two pieces together that remotely fit to make it appear as if I am contributing. I don't really care about the finished product. It doesn't bother me one bit if they don't fit well, but fitting well is necessary for the puzzle to come together as it should. Puzzles aren't that important, but our lives are.
In our spiritual lives, living life like this has soul-eating effects and results in a mismatched inner and outer world. Jesus spoke about this problem to the Pharisees when He called them 'whitewashed tombs.' They polished up their outsides with beautiful beliefs, but their inner lives were untouched and unchanged. Jamming our cliche spoken beliefs together with our unexperienced inner reality results in a heart that knows the right words, but not how to live them. Our tendency is to jam the pieces together and keep living, but God wants us to come to Him with the mismatched pieces so that He can help us find what is true. His commands are actually doable, but not without a changing heart.
One of these common phrases so often spoken is "Trust God." Don't get me wrong. Clearly trust in Him is important, but I cannot help but notice it seems we often do not actually know what this means. Nothing makes me more aware of this than when I come face to face with my own frailty, fears or the choices of another. My problem is not that I do not know what to do, but that I actually don't know how to do it.
There are many stories of countless brave souls who have trusted God and their lives are heroic testaments of what trust lived out looks like. They are proof there is a way to deeply trust that can hold a life steady in the worst of times.
This is the trust we all want, but the reality is, many live in chaotic anxiety claiming trust in God. Still others seem to believe trusting God means trusting that everything will turn out alright. This works well until everything doesn't turn out and there is a wake of devastation. Does this mean trust in God is futile? This version of 'trust God' has done much to damage the faith of those who experience some of life's deepest pain. It's like when you sit in a chair trusting it will hold you and it dumps you on the ground. When by-standers declare their trust and believe it was their trust that caused their 'chair' to hold, the one on the floor is wondering why their trust wasn't strong enough to keep their chair from breaking. What about the one who wears a smile to hide deep pain, avoids dealing with it and uses, "I'm trusting God," as a way to hide from reality? Sometimes, "I'm just trusting God," is a way to not have to talk about or deal with difficult issues. It's the right thing to say but sometimes it's not where we are truly at.
My question has been "What is true trust and how do I build it?" I began to see what it is not, but wanted to know what it IS.
-I want the trust that is unshakable, immovable and calms my fears.
-I want the trust that enables me to walk with confidence through dark valleys and even when I feel I cannot go another step, I know He is with me because He says He is.
-I want the trust that any thought of a devastated future, holds no power because I know that He will always be with me even in the 'if.' I have been known to let 'what if's' of the future steal present joy. I don't want that.
-I want a trust that is so deep, I see it in all my past, my present and my future - whatever it holds.
-I want the childlike trust that lives life worry-free. Not because there is nothing to worry about, but because there is a God bigger than me who loves me and can shoulder my anxiety.
-I want the trust that is firmly anchored to the God who holds the galaxies and the atoms together. I don't want the 'trust' of naïveté or the kind that comes from living in unreality.
-I want the kind of trust that allows me to open my hands and entrust the ones I love to Him. My distrust so often shows up when I try to be 'god' and micromanage them to manage my fears. So often, I find myself conspiring about what to do and God has asked me to 'just pray.' To 'just pray' is sometimes an act of courageous trust.
-I want the kind of trust that knows God wants to share my joys.
-This is the kind of trust I want all the time. So many times I do not live free because I simply cannot trust Him to carry what my shoulders were not meant to carry. I also miss out on so much because I forget He wants to share in my joy as well. Both require vulnerability.
I used to think trusting God was believing things would turn out okay, but when we had our stillborn daughter, that theory didn't hold. I thought maybe it was gritting my teeth and declaring my trust in God despite how I felt, but this did nothing to calm my inner fears or anxieties. Instead, I felt ashamed of them. It left me with nowhere to take them and unwilling to admit them. Through time and circumstances I began to understand a little more what trust is and my forty-six year old self has a lot more confidence in God's ability to hold my trust than my eighteen year self. Even yesterday, I could feel tension welling up in me about a circumstance that feels overwhelming to me. As I sat with God this morning, He gently reminded me that if He can hold the world, certainly He can hold the situation. He reminded me that I am not in this on my own and He has promised His wisdom.
So what is trust?
Transformational leadership coach, Charles Feltman defines trust this way, "Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else." citation THIS is trusting in God. Trust in God isn't trusting in good circumstances or outcomes; it's not mere lip service while silencing our inner world. Trust is truly casting our anxiety on Him because we really believe He cares for us. It's taking the vulnerabilities in us - our joy, our hopes, our fears, our pain, our heartache, our frustrations, our loneliness and whatever else in us and making those places vulnerable to the actions God. It takes believing His intentions are kind.
We won't make any place vulnerable to God unless we truly believe He loves us and He's trustworthy which is why trust in Him is built over time. Charles Feltman also identifies four drivers of trust or traits that allow us to trust someone: sincerity, reliability, competence and care. citation These traits are all who God says He is. Reading Psalms will reveal every one of these are true about God. He is fully worthy of our trust.
No one goes from not trusting God at all to fully trusting Him. Trust has to be built. Brene Brown says, "Trust isn't built in grand gestures, but in the small moments that people treat what is important to you with care."citation We learn trust for God in the small moments, when we open up to Him and experience His deep love and care in that place. He treats what is important to us with care and He does it well. Our vulnerable places are a seedbed for trust to grow. Vulnerability always requires humility.
I Peter 5:6-7 illustrates this so well! "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you."
We can trust God BECAUSE He cares for us, but we can never experience His care without first being vulnerable. Experiencing His care builds our trust in Him. Vulnerability -> Experience His Care -> Trust is Built This is how we grow in truly trusting God.
When someone we love is harsh with us and hurts our feelings, we bring it to God and we find He speaks comfort. When we feel shame over a public mistake and instead of shoving the memory down, we bring it to God for healing and let Him remind us of whose we are. When we are excited about a success, we bring it to God and feel His joy with us. When we are enjoying a day in nature, notice a sunset and have an awareness that God is enjoying us enjoying His creation, we see His care. These are small moments that build big trust. Building trust is as simple as turning our attention to Him again and again and again throughout our days. It's getting to know Him by living life with Him. When the big moments happen, we find our trust has grown through the small ones and what used to cause a lot of anxiety, now only causes a little. Eventually we experience none in that area. Any place we experience vulnerability is a place we can bring to God and experience His care. THIS is what God wants to do. He doesn't demand big trust, but asks for our vulnerability and a growing trust. This is built over time.
Today, what is one part of your heart you can choose to make vulnerable to the actions of God?
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