Learning to Trust
My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me.
Galatians 2:20 (NLT)
God never meant for me to live life on my own.
I can obtain a measure of goodness, but eventually my own bankrupt soul will come through. Without Him, my righteousness is nothing more than propped up goodness that ebbs and flows with the difficulties of life. It is an attempt to clothe myself with rags when he wants me clothed in robes of righteousness. I will never find these on my own. My life becomes a game of keeping it all together. A noble but feeble attempt are all I have to offer. He doesn’t want my goodness. He wants me. Giving me requires vulnerability and honesty. His love gives me the courage to hand Him all of who I am. When I am his, when I see his heart towards me is good, he changes me. I begin to see I can trust him with all I am.
I no longer have to defend myself because He is my defender. He surrounds my heart with himself. When accusing voices become loud I remember I am loved and being restored. With him, I have the courage to face my own ways of doing life that have harmed others. I learn to love better. I can trust my heart with him.
When uncertainty threatens my life, I can put my hope in him. The all powerful God who spoke the world into existence holds my life. My eyes are set higher and my heart is firmly anchored knowing I am held by the one who holds the universe. He will be in the middle of every situation I could ever face. He promised to never leave and I believe him. I have never been or ever will be on my own.
When I feel anxiety threatening to consume me, I can lean into him and find peace. The one who calms chaos will calm my fears. His fiery love surrounds me at all times. I can trust him to silence every fear and replace it with truth. I never need to fear because even the darkness is as light to him.
When my day has gone awry and I want to hang my head in shame, he is the lifter of my head and stands eagerly ready to forgive. His arms are always outstretched towards me. Restoration is his mission and every day he wants to restore more of my life. On my worst day he is asking me to come and set my gaze on him once again.
When I don’t know what my kids need and don’t know what to do, he stands ready to give me his wisdom. He understands my own heart and every heart I will ever interact with. There is not one who is close to me that he is confused by and not one person I love more than he loves. He has all of the wisdom I could ever need for every circumstance and he wants to give it to me. He is never confused and is always ready to act. He is all the wisdom I could ever need.
When I am sinking into despair and life feels too heavy, he reminds me that he is my burden bearer. He dries my tears and reminds me that he surrounds me with songs of deliverance. I can’t always hear them, but he is singing them still. He stores my tears in a bottle and he has asked me to cast my cares on him because he cares for me. He is not distant, aloof or confused by me. He cares for me, therefore I can trust him.
When I am tired by life, he reminds me that I am enjoyed by him. His joy over me becomes my strength. No longer do I believe that he just tolerates me, but know he enjoys me. He decided the pain of the cross was less painful than life without me. I can enjoy life because I am enjoyed by the one who created me.
I will trust the God who loved me so much he gave himself up for me. His heart and intentions towards me are good. No longer do I have to live life on my own but instead I can live my life with him. Day by day he teaches me who he is and invites me to trust him with more of me.
Father, Help me to trust you and see you for who you are. Thank you that you are patient towards me and that my life is a dance of letting go of more so that I can trust you more. Help me to let go and trust you with those things I cling to for security and have a hard time letting go of. Thank you that you are good and kind. Give me courage to draw near to you.
