Letting Go and Grabbing Hold Of
Hi again!
I know it's been a while since I have written and I thought I should let you know where I have been! I did not intend to stop writing for so long, but some things moved up my 'important list' and writing fell below. It's been a whirlwind year for our family and I decided my time was best spent being present with my family as we transitioned into a new season. It's been a season full of firsts and lasts.
I finished up the Renovare Institute of Spiritual Formation in July for the most part, but will be working on my project for the next year. I will be sharing bits and pieces on my blog and look forward to seeing what you think! Feedback will be really helpful as I go along so if you have any, it would be much appreciated. It will eventually be in print form. God speaks to me a lot in diagrams and pictures illustrating different truths about Him, life with Him and relationship to others. When I was praying about my project, the idea came to mind to compile all the pictures into one place along with writings and formational practices. A couple of days after having this idea, I met with my spiritual director and she commented, "God often speaks to you in picture form. Have you ever thought of putting them into a book?" This comment took me by surprise because I had NEVER considered this until two days before. I had been growing increasingly UNexcited for my previous project idea and decided this is one I can get excited about. It's definitely a stretch for me because while I love art, it's been a long time since I have engaged with art in any meaningful way.
I really enjoyed my time at Renovare and found it helped me deepen my walk with God, be more present to others and be more equipped to help others connect with God in new ways. It was such a beautiful time and I look forward to continuing on in some more learning in the near future, but for now I'm taking a bit of a break from papers and structured learning.
In May, one of our sons graduated from University of Nebraska Omaha with a masters in Civil Engineering. A few short weeks later, we helped him pack up his apartment and move him and his dog, Abe, to Seattle for a job doing what he's always loved to do. Stream design! As a little boy, he was always playing with water, making streams at playgrounds and loved design. It's so fun to see those little boy interests turn into a grown up job. Seattle is far though and we sure do miss him! We are so grateful he has found a church he is enjoying and is thriving there.
Our daughter graduated from the University of Nebraska Omaha in May with her undergrad in Communication Disorders. A few weeks ago we packed her up and headed to Milwaukee to help her settle in where she is attending grad school at Marquette University for Speech/Language Pathology. John's little sister, Maria, is not able to speak. As a young child, our daughter Makayla once commented that she can't wait to be with God because then she would know what Maria would like to say. Makayla's work will be helping those without a voice find ways to speak. Who knew that little girl compassion would turn into real life work? The stories we have of God bringing her to this point and opening doors for her are way too many to share here. I know now that as amazing as it is to watch God do things for you, it is ten times more exciting when He does things for your kids!
In a few short weeks, the contemplative prayer group I help lead will be starting and I am looking so forward to gathering in our groups again as we learn together to listen to God and each other. This is such special time together. If you live in the Omaha area, we would love to have you join. This year is currently full, but if this is something that interests you, please let me know because sometimes a space opens! We form new groups in the summer so that is the best time to join. It is such a diverse group of women from all kinds of churches and we have so many stories of God doing His work both in us and around us.
In the middle of that we've had a lot of traveling, family in town and people to see. I needed the writing break to regather myself because as any mom at my stage or beyond knows, this business of letting kids go is no joke. I have been one who all along has said, "This is my favorite stage of mothering." This stage really is but the best word to describe it is 'weird.' I really have no other word. I did not know you could feel happy/sad/excited/apprehensive and restful all at once, but you can. I am loving the adult relationships we have with our kids, but moments also take me off guard. The nerf gun bullet safely lodged under the sofa for years, the legos boxed neatly in the basement, the doll bin packed up with thirteen year old handwriting "Save for my kids", the super clean and quiet bedrooms, the emptier grocery cart, the very important Nike backpack now collecting dust and the much needed time with John. Tears come suddenly and so does joy. It's a bit like the grab bag from Claire's I loved in middle school only it's a grab bag of emotions. It's anyone's guess what the next moment's feelings will be. It was all I could do in the Target aisles I used to commonly peruse with our daughter not to hear sentimental music in the background as every single person I saw was a mom and daughter combo. Tears streaming down my face, I had to actively bite my tongue to keep from saying, "It goes quick." I always determined not to do that when I was at this stage and I have refrained - mostly.
It feels sacred as I lay childhoods to rest and box them up into sweet memories I hold. It's a bit of an in between space where I have a new stride to learn but am not completely out of this season. Our youngest son is a senior standing on the edge of the horizon deciding his next steps. At this moment, I cannot imagine the house being even more quiet than it is! I am also enjoying the new season of being a mother-in-law since our oldest was married last year. I know from here on out our family will keep growing but a little further out. My arms are lighter but my heart is expanding. My role is changing, but new things are coming. There are so many firsts and lasts all bundled up into such a short amount of time and I am trying to both let go of and grab a hold of well. Both things are beautiful and for now I am in between.
I'm looking forward to writing again. My space is much quieter, my life is a bit slower, but my heart is full.
Thank you for reading!
Wendy
