The Kid Judge

God speaks in many ways and one of the ways He often speaks to me is through stories and pictures. For me, they usually convey a powerful truth that makes what I know to be true in my head understandable for my heart.  

This past year, I have had to work through a lot of pain to be able to land at forgiveness. At one point in my journey, I could feel judgment taking hold of my heart and it made me feel powerful. Judgment does that. It makes us feel powerful where we feel powerless and makes us feel as though we can somehow arm ourselves in a way that will make the pain stop. It allows us to dismiss the offender and see them as less than we are. We may feel powerful, but we become powerless to love. We trade in the life of love we hope to live for one that is jaded with cynicism and becomes more confining. Really we are becoming walled in. This is where God found me when He gave me this picture. I am going to share it in story form.

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The Kid Judge

The room was surprisingly bright and cheery. It didn't match the self-protective fear, pride or hurt I had walled myself in behind. I appreciated the walls because they kept me safe. I took a deep breath and looked around at the courtroom filled with sunlight and empty benches. The red upholstery on the judge's bench looked new and fresh. I couldn't wait to sit there. Finally. Sunlight streamed in through the windows and the room was pleasant, but not nearly as beautiful as the rolling hills outside. I didn't have time for rolling hills. I needed to make sure things would be made right. I felt it was my right to be here.

As I looked out the window at the expansive, green grass and wildflowers, I began to notice the other children my age playing all kinds of games with big smiles on their faces. It looked like they didn't have a care in the world. I wanted to be with them running on the hills and playing so carefree, but I needed to make sure justice was served. They didn't have important things to do like I did and I thought them a bit naive anyway. This was the most important moment in my life because when justice was served, all would be well. I needed all to be well so I could feel safe again. 

I puffed up my five year old, child-sized chest and held my large gavel as big as I was in my hand. My much too-big robe was puddled all around me, covering my feet and flowing across the floor in all directions. I felt I made the perfect judge. I liked the prospect of my offender being brought to court. If justice was served, I would be free and this is what I desperately wanted. I scrunched my face into an angry glare ready to hand out my verdict and for God to agree. "Get them, God!" I shouted. 

I lifted my eyes when I felt a slight movement next to me. Fear and hatred began to feel like a heavy weight I couldn't remove, but I knew justice would make me free. It had to. I felt the movement again and looked up. Jesus was next to me standing regally in His perfectly sized robe holding a gavel that fit easily in His hand. His eyes were like fire; not with hatred but with love for both me and the offender. Fierce, piercing, all-knowing love filled His face as He looked down at me compassionately with an amused, but understanding look on His face. My contorted face felt silly when I saw His expression.

Suddenly, I knew what I was. I was a child playing the role of judge. I didn't have the wisdom, power or authority to bring judgment against another. I couldn't pay for my own sins and I didn't have the power to forgive another's sin. That power rests with God alone. I thought I was the judge and the verdict rested with me, but the pressure of justice wasn't mine to carry. The gavel was heavy; the robe too big. I belonged outside playing freely, not in the courtroom. 

He began to speak, "Sweet girl, you don't belong in here. This is where I sit. You belong outside with the children running and playing. I want to heal your heart and I know the pain, but the justice is mine. I am a capable and trustworthy judge and I don't need your help. You playing judge will never heal you; only I can do that. The role of judge is too heavy for you. I am the One who sees all things. I am perfect love and I see every heart intention and motive. Only I am capable of judging well. I see every broken place. I am both Judge and Healer. I see things as they are, not as they appear to be. Go. Be free and leave the justice to Me. Trust Me with your heart. Forgiveness is handing the offense to Me. Trust Me with it. Trust My good and perfect, loving judgment."

With relief, I laid down the gavel, stepped out of the robe and walked out the door to the rolling green hills. That's what my heart had truly wanted all along.

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Imagine if we all lived this way! There would be so much freedom! We all stand in need of forgiveness and help to forgive. We want a gracious, understanding and loving Judge who sees all things. This is who God is! We can trust Him with our offenses. Our judgments of others hold no weight with God and other's judgments of us hold no weight with God. That thought has helped me so much! Sometimes in the courtroom, I am the kid judge and other times I am the judged. The truth is, none of us belong there. He is the only one who can perfectly judge, so let's get out of the courtroom and into the wide open spaces where we belong.

"The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether." Psalm 19:9 NKJV

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